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Performative Sex vs Intimate Experience

Sep 13, 2023

Performative Sex vs Intimate Experience

Let's say a very big NO to performative sex and instead embrace the intimate experience instead. 

Sex is transforming.  It's a trip.  It isn't something that you just do, it's a place you go, inside yourself and with another.  Stop thinking of acts of performance and think of experience.  It'll be a different ball game.  ~ Esther Perel

What is Performative Sex?

Performative sex is like a grand performance on a stage, where the actors are more focused on impressing the audience than connecting with each other. It's a sexual encounter driven by external validation and the desire to meet societal expectations. In this type of sexual experience, the emphasis is on the physical act itself, rather than the emotional connection between partners.

Why do People Engage in Performative Sex?

Performative sex often stems from societal pressures and unrealistic expectations. In a world obsessed with perfection and instant gratification, individuals can feel compelled to showcase their sexual prowess and conform to societal norms. It can also be a way to seek validation and boost self-esteem, as the performance becomes a measure of one's desirability.

The Downside of Performative Sex

While performative sex may seem exciting and glamorous (no thanks to porn or Hollywood!), it more often than not lacks the depth, pleasure and intimacy that can be found in a more authentic sexual experience. At P&L we are all about authenticity!!  The focus on performance can create pressure and anxiety, leading to a disconnect between partners. It can also perpetuate unrealistic standards and hinder genuine communication about desires and boundaries.

The Intimate Experience: Going Beyond Performance

Now we're talking!!!!  Unlike performative sex, the intimate experience is rooted in emotional connection and vulnerability. Yes!!!  At Pleasure & Intimacy we are ALL about emotional connection and vulnerability.  It goes beyond physical satisfaction and seeks to create a deeper bond between partners. In an intimate encounter with a partner you've established trust and connection with, partners prioritize each other's pleasure, emotional well-being, and overall satisfaction. You are able to ask for what you want without embarrassment and let's be honest, if we really think about those performative escapades vs the authentic and intimate experiences, I am sure the latter is more memorable!  

The Importance of Emotional Connection

In an intimate experience, partners prioritize emotional connection, trust, and open communication. They take the time to understand each other's desires, needs, and boundaries. This level of emotional intimacy allows for a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual encounter, where partners can explore and express themselves freely.

Breaking Free from Societal Expectations

Choosing the intimate experience over performative sex requires breaking free from societal expectations and embracing authenticity. It means valuing emotional connection and vulnerability over external validation. By focusing on the quality of the connection rather than the performance, individuals can create a more meaningful and satisfying sexual experience.

Performative sex may be flashy and exciting, but it often lacks the depth and emotional connection that can be found in an intimate experience. By prioritizing emotional connection, trust, and open communication, individuals can break free from societal expectations and create a more authentic and fulfilling sexual encounter. Remember, it's not about the performance, but the genuine connection between partners that truly matters. No more needs to be said here.  We are totally on-board for the authentic, vulnerable, connected experiences vs the performative kind.  

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